Welcome to the future.

Turn your hand over, dummy, you have an email.

Why are you looking at your watch while you’re holding your goddamn phone you dipshit. Look at your phone. Not the watch. The phone.

Fine. Be that way. Touch the watch with your only hand without technology. Consider buying another phone for your non-phone hand. Perhaps it’s lonely without a phone to hold.

You recorded this with your Google Glass, didn’t you?

Why am I even asking, of course you did.